JUST...

how well do we conclude things? how's anyone answerable to me? why should i hold any importance in their lives? how convemiently they detach and take on their lives while you're still connected. but that's where the mistake is, this is my own problem. i should have to deal with it on my own. its noone else's business. they say its kinda important at the age of 28 to grow up. experience it all, the way it is. where it takes you. LEARN AND GROW ALONE

night out of Q?

i have a cellphone, the relevant numbers. a pepper spray in my bag, i know some self defence techniques also. i can distinguish a raunchy gaze from an admiring look, my antennae are at work 24X7. i can sense danger from miles away. generally, i dont take risks...i'm not stupid. i can handle myself when i'm drunk and i have all that it takes.
but you know what...i dont want to live the life of a fugitive...i dont want to walk on landmines anymore. i want to live, free of fears and tensions.

Dard-e-disco!

am i a desparate soul? desperate to be understood, desperate to love...desperate to be loved?? desperate to know the future, desperate to become the past, desperate to be happy, desperate to cry? i think it clearly shows in my eyes...the desperation to be understood or misunderstood all at one go. i've always associated men with this term, until i discovered the beautiful irony of this word in my life. how do i manage so much desperation at one go? am desperate to know...

Google myself....

where do i find 'me'? cant remember where i lost myself? i can still sense the grip...with which i was holding on... to self. i wonder what happened? aint it sad when you miss somebody so much that you forget that you've gone missing yourself?!! everyone's living a life here, everybody has a plan, everybody seems to have their own motives, drive, ambitions, goals, fires, conflicts, challenges, loves, hatreds...what happened to your own? lost perspective. selfless....heard that before? cares who though? they just expect you to be 'strong', 'dynamic', 'vibrant' and a confident individual...when you're probably happy being the way you are...happy losing yourself. they want you to know exactly what you want. and you want to know/do exactly what they want. how i wish...one could just lose themselves forever, get supremely selfish and weak...self zero and not just self less...how i wish you could just let everything take over. enjoy the helplessness till you sink...lose it. lose yourself. in conlclusion, there is 'no' selfless love...love is selfless. coz its so divided, where is 'self' anyways? 'selfish' is the way to go...if you wanna love just one! wooooh...did i just propound a theory??! am still googling...self! click! self! click click! 10000000000 results found...told ya...there cant be one.

Smiling in my head...

it makes a difference i'm telling you, by sheer experience! this is something that doesnt happen on its own, you have to make it happen...with a conscious effort. practice, practice and more practice and you will achieve it. a simple exercise, roll your eyes up, focus on your brain at least for once believe that you have one! try and feel it with your eyes, and you'll feel its melting, from being a solid mass of 'substance' ideally, it assumes a more heart-like shape...now it begins to smile. slow sedation begins...as you feed it with a slow beautiful song, it begins to smile wider.everything seems perfect. everything seems simple now, colour of the world around you changes. life doesnt seems any better or worse. people seem like people. worst fears turn into real practical situations, no surrealism no imagination no hopes no dreams no demands no expectations no sadness no joy. right now i'm smiling in my head...someone take a picture, someone freeze it there. actually just let go...

I'm sorry if i have hurt you...

washing my hands off you...i'm sorry for what happened, i'm sorry for what didnt. can we somehow 'undo' the past? coz i sincerely regret everything...you know it was a mistake!

if its love it will stay...

yellow light from d lamp post makes me think...it stays, even after the break of the dawn...it stays around. to me and u it seems like its fainted or gone but it lurks round the corner...quitely waiting for d night...it stays. trust me...it will!