tryst with trust...

if its so fragile then why the hell does it hold so much importance in our lives? y are we so conscious and aware of it? if its meant to be broken then why so much brouhaha over 'having' it or building it in the first place?? and then feeling terribly hurt when its gone! funny..aint we? we build, break, betray and expect trust as and when we want, with whoever we want...so much abuse of such a tangible commodity? the moment you make a promise you've broken it and the moment you wonder if its gone..you need to know...it was never meant to be there in the first place. anger. frustration. self-pity. options galore! but then, a wise man told me last evening that everything in life is actually a phase...in the very 'this too shall pass' manner...accept it, face it and live with it. what goes around...probably comes around. in fact, definitely comes around. so expect..with all your heart....the worst! worst sounds bad...but its not such a bad word i tell you. it just prepares you for a lot of things, it strengthens you...head on. the tryst with trust shall continue...

earthshattering!!!

am going to write something earthshattering today...have decided. enough of hearing the chak de song and not doing anything about it. enough of sitting back and admiring others. enough of enough. now...is the time. im expected to have arrived. motivation at 27...er...almost 28 shouldnt take much...then where's the drive? the fire? i can feel it burning inside but i want to see the bright orange flames now. there's very little time...it waits for none and im running out of it with every passing second. my clock will soon be empty..it needs to be resounding with my victory...the next few hours need to be 'my hours'. the time is here...then where am i? quickly...i need to find myself and head for...for....,,./////.....@###...alright...my time's up

whats missing?

a tunnel of emotions...or a funnel of a human, how exactly can i describe myself right now? figuring out...have never felt this incomplete in life ever. last night, i had the entire bunch of my favourite people in office over...we sat chatted, had a 'blast' as they say...but then, i couldnt run very far...the emptiness just loomed large around me. the more i'd try to run the more 'quicksandish' proportions it gained. by the end of it, i gave up, i was hollow.
i have always believed and opined that 'one' incident, one person or one thing in should not determine your entire life, its like standing on a wooden raft that might overturn any moment. just that 'one' wave...will then be held responsible...for no real fault of its own. but then, this is like waiting and giving in to that 'one' wave. suicidal? no, as long as it fills into you...into the hollowness, just let go. the wait will soon be over, but then...am i going to miss the void? the emptiness? the hollow me?

bye bye blog..

alright my love, i gotta go now. my bro's leaving for south africa. ya...thats right. imp to mention that coz this is the first time ever that someone from the family is undertaking a foreign trip! the only two people who seem most excited are me and my dad. thats the two of us...small things make us happy. wonder how others miss out on them?! losers. i'd say. so i'm going to wish him all the very best. he insists there is no need to come but then there's this strange desire to go and see him off. will he look any different when he returns? the exact expression on his face as of now. has he packed well? its a mix of emotions you see :-) my twin little toddler is old enough to take an international flight today...wonder if they have any words for this...its just an honest interpretation of what i feel right now. i feel so good! he so totally deserves it. all these years in sports journalism i saw and heard of all mine and his colleagues travel 'out'. today is our big day, our celebration. how can i miss out on that? how can i not be a part of it? im leaving for now. shall be back again...soon enough! and yes, we shall have part 2 of this when he returns with his many stories! and hopefully some gifts!! he's not the types who would buy but then "ummeed pe duniya kayam hai"! bye bye blog. miss you already.

a blogger at last...

...welcome to the world of blogging...by complete fluke and shallow excitement of seeing others owning a 'webpage' god alone knows how long this sustains my interest, as has been the fate of many diaries that i started writing at the beginning of every year and abandoned them no sooner than jan 14th!!! ok...bad way to start...this blog shall live! coz the very fact that im making and writing on one means...im on something...narcotics? drugs? what then?.........simply sedated...im guessing. hence, until the sedation lasts, shall we presume for now?!

this is fun...im actually seeing a mirror here...am a bit conscious, bit awkward. slowly giving in and opening up though. must mention the process of getting here...phew! what an interrogation, what netophernalia for something as simple as this. its like having to answer...whatsup? what're 'you' doing here? of all the people, you? uh, but you have an email id, right? why do u want a new one? ok, any queries? ......no your honour, nothing so far. case adjourned, until the next hearing! trust me, it almost seemed like that. i hope i can re-enter this space after having said all that by the givers/creators. weird. right? them silly. hmm...so talking of sedation, its that time of the day when i usually get back from work, lie down peacefully doing nothing. something im not ready to trade-off for anything. my nothing means the world to me. i know what i missed when i didnt have access to it for two long years. i cherish, adore and swear by my nothing. so if this blog has begun to mean something, which has taken me away from the most imp nothing, i must be sedated....
im beginning to wonder how i would get people to talk about 'blogging' tomorrow and flaunt my lovely little space, MY lovely little space, that means 'nothing' to me really now (see how imp its become) on second thoughts, why should i bother telling anyone. this is one territory i can tread about as freely as possible. like the naked beaches of goa! but then, too much nakedness puts me off. its like a bikini beach. one can just be themselves, chill, relax and rejuvenate. wow! that sounds like a cool ad for www.sosedated.blogspot.com... the bikini beach space that means nothing really!
already feels like i've lost it...feels sooo good...its such a high! anybody there? anybody listening?! helloooooo...i can hear an echo...ooooo....i must be...so...so...sedated....